| Thursday, August 24, 2006 |
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Ahhhhhhhhhh...... |
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There's nothing like prozac and a massage to make a girl feel all better inside. I couldn't figure out why I was so sore this morning. The chiropractor was gentle on me, I didn't go to bed that stupid drunk, and I know I didn't fall down. Then I remembered that I painted a ceiling yesterday. Duh! I am taking on the long-put-off project of painting Harley's room. He wants an ocean mural, so I figured I'd go all out and paint the sky, and the water, and sea creatures and all that. Not that I am an artist. No, I am what you call "craftsy". I am terrified of what havoc I will wreak on these walls, but in the spirit of making my kid happy and keeping myself challenged, I will dive in headfirst and make sure that I have access to Kilz when I need it. I will post pics of the completed project when I get to that point. Oh, and congrats to Ellen and Hussy for getting new jobs. Send some of your employment happy-vibe to my HumanJukebox pal, Jon, in Detroit. He needs some Ad Astra energy to help him thru this difficult time. And... Maybe went to live with Roya and Jay, so make sure you scratch her head when you are over there. I miss her already. I guess I'll have to stop taking naps in the afternoon. Yeah, right.
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| posted by Rosie @ 8/24/2006 05:59:00 PM |
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| Tuesday, August 22, 2006 |
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New Leaf |
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School has started, my blog has a cool new look (thank you Lucile) I have returned from another near-week trip out of town, and the 105+ degree days have dwindled. People say Spring is a time of rebirth, but I prefer Fall. I can start back into a routine, which brings me great comfort, and get settled into a comfortable rut before the drear of Winter gets ahold of my psyche. I came back from Maryland an absolute wreck. I read a SAD SAD book on the plane that had me blubbering as we hit the tarmac in KC. The Sea by John Banville tells the story of a man watching his wife die of cancer, and his trip down memory lane in an effort to heal himself. It ripped my heart out! Then poor Sean reminds me that my Dad's birthday is in two days and did I want to do something and all I could do was weep. It actually felt good to feel something, ANYTHING, that wasn't laughter , ennui, loneliness, or agitation, even if it WAS extreme sadness that was all-consuming. I am pretty sure that I don't have any of the dissociative disorders that make one flee one's identity and/or reality or have major memory loss, but I have lately felt like I am not in myself, nor really outside myself watching me do what I do either. I am stressed. I want a vacation. I need a good cry. I want my job to go away, or the people who make it so unpleasant to FRO and treat me like a human, not the feelingless piece of meat that I feel like when I am working for them. I want some true connection to the world that feeds me, not drains me. So, I am looking for a way to turn over a new leaf. There is a job I am interested in, but the timing is not good. I am trying to get some of my projects done around the farm, because checking things off my list makes me feel good. I am thinking of doing some major rearranging of rooms and spaces so that I have some space for me. I am thinking of quitting smoking, and I run almost as much as I walk, some days. Rosie needs more than a new pair of shoes to shake this funk off. Rosie needs fulfillment, but she is not sure what this will look like.
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| posted by Rosie @ 8/22/2006 09:00:00 PM |
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| Saturday, August 12, 2006 |
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State Fair |
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I remember watching an old movie with my mom when I was young, and you could only get old movies on Sunday afternoon because Ted Turner hadn't taken over the airwaves yet. It was State Fair, and all I really remember is that it was nothing like my state fair experiences and there was a large runaway pig. Although the Kansas State Fair is in a couple of weeks, and I haven't been since my senior year of high school, I have had the pleasure of taking in some state fair-like activities this week, which explain (at least to me) why I haven't blogged, or been online at all this week. First, the demolition derby is about as fabulous a redneck goodtime as there ever was. And boy was it fun! The roar and smoke and mudflinging and the most excellent fight between the weenie who thought he won and the guy who won after the weenie got disqualified. I haven't had that much fun SOBER in a long, long time. Damn that's good stuff. There's one coming up in couple of weeks up in McLouth at the Threshing Fields where they'll sell beer.... I am so there. The latter end of this week was filled with the Vinland Fair. This litle country fair, named for an area that is no longer a town, is in its 99th year. I worked in the PTO concession stand last night, slinging chicken fried steak, mashed taters (which I peeled on Tuesday at another mom's house while we gabbed and the kids yelled), corn, burgers, dogs, and homemade pie (I made four). We served about 400 people and still had a few pies left over. Alferd Packer Memorial String Band played in the background... everyone should have a neighborhood band named after a famous cannibal. Today, I saw the blue ribbon winner of "tallest wild sunflower", which was an astonishing 14 feet tall, making my own pasture and garden look fairly pathetic and weedfree. I participated in a tug-of-war, men vs. women, and we held out until our palms were raw from that nasty rope. We'll get em next year when we remember our gardening gloves. The church ladies served chicken and noodles with green beans and tomato slices and lots more pie. The kids ran races, threw balls, raced three-legged style, and sweated grimey, purple-stained smiles. I am afraid I will have to bow out of the tractor pull tonight - I had my fill of loud engines last weekend at the demo derby. That, and I have to go to Heartland Park in Topeka tomorrow for a drag race dedicated to Uncle John who died in June. I am thinking of an Ebony vs Ivory kind of contrast.... country fair against the roar of the funny car engines. Stay tuned to hear about that!
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| posted by Rosie @ 8/12/2006 08:33:00 AM |
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| Friday, August 04, 2006 |
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Forever Young |
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Those of you who read regularly have probably noticed that I talk about songs a lot. I heard a song today (on Jack 105.?) that I am pretty darn sure I have not heard since the summer after my senior year of high school. No, it's not Burning Flame by Vitamin Z, nor is it The Jeweler by This Mortal Coil (that came to me in '88-'89). Not even World Destruction by Time Zone, since I downloaded that from Napster back in the day. No, it was a pathetically melancholy tune by a band I always assumed was German although I really have no idea from where they hailed called Alphaville and their homage to youth-fullness was entitled Forever Young. I was immediately transported back to a high school dance that I couldn't leave for until Love Boat was over. (You could skip Fantasy Island but Love Boat was a must.) I just realized that I have almost the exact same big mess of hair that I had in high school - it was more feathered and blond, though. Having just had my birthday, I have spent some time reflecting onmy past, and to steal from Gypsy...here are 10 Things That Didn't Suck About High School 10. Totally expendable income - but we shoplifted anyway. 9. Not having to pay for a car, a house, untilities (what were those, anyway?) 8. Not knowing how to pump gas into the car that I also didn't pay for. 7. Clothes. My mom worked retail and we always looked great. 6. Perms - whose mom didn't give them a home perm at some point? 5. John Hughes. 4. Joyriding around the countryside smoking illicit cigs. I still love this! 3. Sex - never even thought about having it...too busy driving, drinking, and shopping. 2. New Wave Music. 1. Being incredibly, fabulously naive. So, things have changed. I have no money but I don't shoplift, except by accident. I have more untility bills than I can name. I pumped gas today at Costco for $2.98 a gallon - ouch. I wear overalls almost all the time, the more threadbare, the better. I would never think of letting my mom touch my hair OR get a perm, even from a Beauty Operator. What happened to John Hughes/where is Molly Ringwald? Joyriding is saved for special trips with Gypsy and they are few and far between. Sex - nevermind. Soft cell gets sampled here and there, and I Melt with You is resurrected in some sort of remix or commercial regularly, but I miss my pink and purple checked Vans. And I like to think that I am still incredibly, fabulously naive. Not so naive that I don't realize the privilege that I have. My list makes it sound like I was some ditzy shopaholic, brat with no direction. Oh wait, I was. I hope I am making up for that now. The universe has a way of being patient with some of us slower ones. So friends, here is Forever Young. Feel my angst. Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies Hoping for the best but expecting the worst Are you going to drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever We don't have the power but we never say never Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip The music's for the sad men Can you imagine when this race is won Turn our golden faces into the sun Praising our leaders were getting in tune The music's played by the madmen Forever young, I want to be forever young Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever? Some are like water, some are like the heat Some are a melody and some are the beat Sooner or later they all will be gone Why don't they stay young? It's so hard to get old without a cause I don't want to perish like a fading horse Youth is like diamonds in the sun And diamonds are forever So many adventures couldn't happen today So many songs we forgot to play So many dreams are swinging out of the blue We let them come true Forever young, I want to be forever young Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever?
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| posted by Rosie @ 8/04/2006 12:18:00 AM |
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