Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Hollow Weenie
That's right. I am the Empty Hotdog of October. I hate Halloween. I don't get it. I get costume anxiety. I make myself crazy every year trying to make sure that the Kiddo has a great costume, mostly made by my hands, so that he can covet the costume purchased at Walmart by a mom that had no time or just doesn't give a shit. I had that shitty costume growing up, and a mother who wouldn't let us cover our faces and always thought someone was slipping razor blades into our treats and trying to snatch us on the "scariest" night of the year. The only thing making the night scary was my mother's paranoia. One year I was a flower. My mother wrapped me in green fabric so I couldn't move my arms, then stuck some fabricky-elastic thing on my head. I hated it! People thought I was a pickle.

The Kiddo wanted to be Golem, from Lord ofthe Rings. I vetoed it. There was no way I was letting my gorgeous perfect angel be a groveling, slimey, OCD creature with a limited vocabulary. He finally settled on Gimli the Dwarf, from the same showcase of cinema. Someone suggested he be Gimli, our cat, which I thought was much funnier, but I had already made a red beard and didn't have time to make a black mangey cat suit.

No, I don't really hate Halloween. It is just the gateway holiday to Thanksgiving, which is really more my style. Lots of eating, lots of drinking, lots of hanging out with friends. "But Rosie", you might be thinking, "that's what we do on Halloween." Yes, but we don't get days off of work for Halloween, and we don't stuff chickens inside of other creatures only to then be stuffed into a turkey and presented as a treasure of culinary extraordinariness, when really, if we found that thing in the barnyard we'd be very worried and totally grossed out. Yeah, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, with the traditional drinking all night on Turkey Day Eve, and the attempts to get Shay naked and snap pictures for Xmas cards. Tryptophan comas and lots of football. And the Macy's Parade on TV. And it's a totally American holiday, by timing, that is. Not that I am a jingo about our holidays, but is kinda cool knowing that all across the U.S., families (of all ilks and pedigrees) are sitting down together to celebrate abundance, whether they have it or not.

So if you want to join us for Thanksgiving, give a shout. All are welcome. As for Halloween, have a safe time liquor-treating or whatever it is that you will do. Watch out for snatchers and stumbling pickles, and the paranoid mothers lurking in the shadows.
posted by Rosie @ 10/31/2006 10:00:00 AM

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