Thursday, November 30, 2006

Slippery When Wet
Yesterday I rode in a very tiny Corolla with a very good driver to Omaha for a series of meetings having to do with teenagers . The weather sucked and we debated whether to postpone, but we pressed forward. After all, we were driving away from the freezing rain and sleet that were blanketing KC. I am not a good passenger in any weather, and I was operating on about 40 hours with no cigarettes. The makings of a socktopus sat in my lap, as I was trying to use the 3 hours wisely and occupy myself while the 3 of us gabbed about our jobs that have the same titles, even though the responsibilitites are vastly different.

The truck in front of us went off the road and bounced around on the median guardrail. We looked at each other nervously, called our traveling companion in a different car who was at least an hour ahead of us. She assured us that the conditions would improve shortly. We kept on. Soon the windshield wipers were turned off and we were almost going the speed limit, when suddenly we found ourselves sliding across the median, zigzagging toward the oncoming lanes, careening back thru the median, where we precariously paused at the edge of I-29 , then scooched back into the northbound lane and continued on to Omaha.

The whole thing probably took about 4 seconds; After about 5 minutes, I stopped shaking. Another minute later, J from the back seat said "What were we talking about?" and I replied, "I don't know, but I think I just swore alot. " In those 4 seconds I did not see my life pass before my eyes. I DID have the realization that I wanted a smokey treat, I DID thank goddess that J in the driver's seat was calm and a good driver, and I DID think to myself, "good grief, I am about to die and there is a vibrator in my backpack, but thank god they won't find me with any cigarettes."

Our 3 hour drive took about 4. The return drive was not so easy. Getting to KC was not so bad. It was the drive from the Plaza where my ice-encrusted car was waiting for me and the snow was falling thickly and not at all quietly that tested my non-smoker status. A good half an inch of ice covered the car. I could not open the driver's side door so I had go around and push it open from the inside. I had no ice scraper, no hat, no lunch (breakfast meeting was at nine and it was now 3:00), high heeled boots, stupid gloves, and a mother who would not quit calling my cell phone to ask me where I was.

It took an hour to get to K-10. I found 2 peanut butter Lindor balls in my purse that became my lunch. I called Gypsy, I called home, I called Gypsy again to discuss her progress down College Boulevard vs. my progress toward K-10. I called Hussy, who was right behind Gypsy but had to stop for gas (i may not have had anything else, but I did have a half tank of gas). I repeatedly rolled the window down so that I could reach around and yank the windshield wiper after every third swipe and try to knock the ice off it. As I crept away from the Plaza where every car in friggin KC was blocking an intersection, I searched for unsecured wireless networks on my laptop in the front passenger seat so that I could surf the weather online. As soon as I could find one to connect to, I was allowed to slip forward just enough to lose it. I was in hell. After a stop at the farm store in Lawrence for a new heated water bucket for the goaties and some ice melt, I arrived home. My 4 hour drive from Omaha to home took over 7.

Next week I have to go to Iowa for a coupla days. I was going to suggest that Kansas secede from our district that stretches from Kansas to Canada and join the one to the south of us that includes Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, SouthWestern Missouri, and MEXICO so that I don't have to drive north all the friggin time. Then I turned on the Weather Channel (Jim Cantore is almost as hot as Don Harman - what is it with me and meteorologists?) and saw what is going on south of us. I just need to move to Hawaii.

Nearly 72 hours without a cigarette.
posted by Rosie @ 11/30/2006 06:37:00 PM

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