Friday, February 24, 2006

MMMMMMM.....smokey treats
I remember driving to Lawrence when I was a senior in HS in central kansas, and I was going to KU to see my brother, the infamous KenBob, and my mother was having a cow that I was 17 and driving hundreds of miles by myself. That might explain to alot of people how protected my mother wanted to keep me, and at times still does. Anyway, I bought a pack of cigarettes for the trip, becasue we had plenty of gas stations scoped out that we could get ciggies without getting carded. I probably strted smoking the second I hit I-135 North to Salina, and continues the entire trip east on I-70, and had a head rush the entire trip. I got a little freaked out awhile after a had passed a big green sign that said "Topeka 4", and I drove and drove and drove, and still no Topeka. I began to wonder if my mother wasn't right and I really had driven onto the highway to hell and it was dark and I really had only been to Lawrence once before and I was alone and it was dark and Topeka's bright lights weren't on the horizon and I was alone and it was dark and I had driven more than 4 miles and where the hell was I. Eventually I got to Topeka, and learned later that the sign had said "Topeka 47" but the 7 didn't reflect light correctly.
So, I just had my first ciggie of the day. It reminded me of back in HS when I would get a head rush from all that nicotine flooding my precious little virgin body that had already consumed anough alcohol to get Elliot Ness worked up for life. (Carrie Nation I was not.) I still get a head rush from the first one every day, more so now that I have cut booze from the diet for 3 months. I miss the booze. Gypsy and friend and I were out the other night and I was sipping coffee, water, and diet coke (not the kind in the blue can) and I turned to friend and made a comment about how people were not so funny when I wasn't drinking, and that I had very little of interest to say without booze in me. I was hoping that at some point I would have this incredible epiphany that people really ARE funnier when I am sober and that one really doesn't need alcohol to have a good time, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe I am just out of practice, or maybe I am too old to go back. The husband keeps asking me when I can drink again and I asked if I was less of a bitch when I was drunk all the time, because he seems very concerned about my alcohol consumption, and resumption of it. Maybe that's the epiphany I keep looking for.
posted by Rosie @ 2/24/2006 08:59:00 AM

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